


please don't let them look through the curtains

by firetruck



Category: Free!
Genre: F/M, Other, the makogou comes later on, the ringou is kinda secondary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-14 23:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 73
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2207703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetruck/pseuds/firetruck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he pitied my collapsing body and held my hand; i fell in love with the holes in my heart and the dreams of a better land</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the chapters are going to be insanely short. i saw something written like that and i got inspired so yeah :0  
> this means more chapters and frequent updates (hopefully)

She knew his little touches that felt like feathers on her skin were meant to tell her he loved her, so she wondered why he only touched her like that when her mom was out and her brother with his friends.  


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes, he would bring over a few of his friends and show her to them. She would be all shy smiles, pink cheeks, and burgundy tresses on pale flesh as they'd nod in admiration. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was a secret, he had said. She wasn't supposed to tell mom or brother or anyone. And she nodded, accepting his touch because she loved her daddy, and he loved her too. Right?

She didn't tell a soul. 


	4. Chapter 4

She would find her mom asleep on the couch sometimes with a silver flask by her side as her daddy loved someone else in the kitchen. And sometimes, she thought she could hear the sobs of her mom when she picked up the flask and swished the contents around. 


	5. Chapter 5

It started to hurt. His touches weren't so light anymore and they left shaped bruises on her thighs and stomach--places no one could see. But it was okay.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't really okay, though. 


	7. Chapter 7

After awhile, her mother stopped coming back home for days before she would suddenly show up again. In those empty days, he would bruise and carve at her all he wanted because no one was home and her brother was at a one month training camp for swimming. 


	8. Chapter 8

Each time after, she would be left gross and sticky. The shower water would turn on and she would wash the ivory grime that tasted slightly salty off her skin. And if he was in a good mood, he would step into the shower and take her again. 


	9. Chapter 9

After awhile, she learned to cherish the moments she had to herself. 


	10. Chapter 10

The next time, he didn't stop when she cried out. He didnt pull out when she said it hurt. She cried, and didn't stop until he slapped her.


	11. Chapter 11

The next time, she did not cry. 


	12. Chapter 12

She could tell he was different. He did not love her anymore. She was just there for him to use. Something to empty himself into.


	13. Chapter 13

His friends would join sometimes. She didn't like them very much. They pulled at her hair and spanked her even though she didn't do anything wrong. She hoped he wouldn't bring them back soon. 


	14. Chapter 14

He yelled at her for the first time the very next day, before her brother was due to come back, and when he was done with her, the ache in her legs only grew.


	15. Chapter 15

She finally realized there was something wrong. So when her brother came back, she latched onto him and wouldn't let go. Their mother came back three days later. 


	16. Chapter 16

"What did he do to you...?"


	17. Chapter 17

"He...would put his thing in me. Sometimes his fingers. He wouldn't stop. He hit me, right here. Doesn't daddy love me anymore?"

"He never did. Not really, anyways. But it's okay. Onii-chan loves you."

"I love you too, onii-chan."


	18. Chapter 18

She fell in love with his soft smiles and warm hands. Even after the first time, she was still so naïve. 


	19. Chapter 19

He took to touching her. Simple, innocent things. Like tucking her hair back behind her ear and giving her goodnight kisses on the forehead. 


	20. Chapter 20

She had never loved someone more. 


	21. Chapter 21

Even though her body was ugly and the shade of thunder inked her, the dreams she had were beautiful and golden. They were of a brighter future she would spend with him: and she fell in love again.


	22. Chapter 22

He started being forceful. Gentle touches were replaced with harsh words spoken in whisper-yells, and he'd grab her wrists in a death grip when she tried to cover her ears and drown out his voice. 


	23. Chapter 23

She cried herself to sleep that night, and there were no dreams of a shining future waiting for her. 


	24. Chapter 24

She ran back to her daddy. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run away."


	25. Chapter 25

He was waiting for her. 

"I knew you'd come back."


	26. Chapter 26

"Do you still love me?"

"Of course."

He took her hand and kissed her stomach. She undressed. 


	27. Chapter 27

It hurt. All over her body. 

When had he invited his friends over? 

When had they placed her on the table?

Was she crying? What was the wetness on her cheeks?


	28. Chapter 28

She let them eat away at her flesh. Her insides were red and brown and yellow and disgusting, but they seemed to enjoy it. And she let him eat her heart up, and she could see it pulse red as he swallowed her whole, leaving her decaying body a mess on the table. And then her world was black. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She passed out. 


	29. Chapter 29

He died out in the ocean a week later. She didn't feel sad. 

Her brother moved to Australia two months later. She didn't feel sad. 

Her mother was put into a hospital shortly after that. She didn't feel sad. 


	30. Chapter 30

Sometimes she would stand in front of the mirror and look at the bruises that never quite disappeared. 


	31. Chapter 31

She was the whole entire universe, and the inky swirls of purple and black that she lived with were her galaxies.


	32. Chapter 32

She rediscovered her brother's old friends. They were nice, she thought. 

"Kou-san, what is your favorite place?"

"The ocean."


	33. Chapter 33

The sky was in a bad mood today. The sunset she saw in the evening was the color of a bad bruise, and she didn't realize she was crying until Makoto walked over.. 

"Gou, are you okay?"

"It's Kou."


	34. Chapter 34

Makoto walked her home that day, and she dreamt of a soft island under a starry sky that night. But she wouldn't fall in love. Not again. 


	35. Chapter 35

She spent a lot of time thinking and crying in the shower. Sometimes she would drop by a flower shop to pick up new flowers for her mother. She bought one for herself one day and cried into it. 


	36. Chapter 36

It was wilted the next day, and she smashed the pot on the floor, not bothering to clean up the pieces of clay.


	37. Chapter 37

She was tired all the time. 


	38. Chapter 38

Eventually, she stopped going to school altogether and slept all day. 


	39. Chapter 39

Her phone had been ringing nonstop all morning. She dug the battery out and dropped it into the sink. 


	40. Chapter 40

Makoto came over that afternoon with bread and soup. She almost didn't answer the door. His eyes widened when he saw her pale cheeks and empty eyes, biting his lower lip in sympathy. 

She wished she didn't open the door. 


	41. Chapter 41

She took the soup he had brought with thanks and quickly ushered him out, ignoring all his questions. 


	42. Chapter 42

The soup was put in the fridge and forgotten.


	43. Chapter 43

She returned to school next Monday and tried to smile when she saw her friends. She opened her mouth to greet them, but her voice cracked. She didn't speak for the rest of the day.


	44. Chapter 44

That Saturday, she visited her father's grave with a heavy heart.


	45. Chapter 45

"Fuck you."


	46. Chapter 46

She cried and her tears stained the stone black. She stayed until it was cold outside and the sobs that wracked her small frame shuddered to a halt.


	47. Chapter 47

Her brother texted her the night after and she wanted to throw her phone in the ocean. She settled on crying and falling back asleep.


	48. Chapter 48

She felt a bit better next Monday.


	49. Chapter 49

Makoto invited her to the festival with their friends. She accepted.


	50. Chapter 50

She knew he thought that no one could tell, but she already saw it. The way his ears burned red when he talked to her and the sly looks Nagisa gave her when he was around her gave it all away.


	51. Chapter 51

She was flattered, really.


	52. Chapter 52

But after all that happened, she was not as inclined to place her faith in uncertain phenomenons. Love was one of them. She could not love. She had loved and she was loved, but love was lost and love was forgotten.


	53. Chapter 53

She went to the festival in her yukata and felt happy for the first time in a long while.


	54. Chapter 54

It didn't last.


	55. Chapter 55

She lived by herself, and her house was filled with empty moments. She started thinking too much.


	56. Chapter 56

He confessed to her in December.


	57. Chapter 57

She didn't know what to say to him.


	58. Chapter 58

"I need some time. I'm sorry."

"Take all the time you need. I'll wait for you," he said.


	59. Chapter 59

He didn't tell anyone that he spent his evening hosting a pity party for himself down at the beach, and she didn't tell anyone she saw him on her evening stroll.


	60. Chapter 60

She wanted to accept.


	61. Chapter 61

She called up Chigusa. 

"What do I do?"

"Just say yes."


	62. Chapter 62

She said yes to him next week and watched his face light up.


	63. Chapter 63

They start dating, she supposes.


	64. Chapter 64

He takes her on the most wonderful dates. A meteor shower, a walk in the park, a picnic watching the sunset on the beach, and countless others.


	65. Chapter 65

She wonders if this is what love is supposed to feel like.


	66. Chapter 66

He kisses her softly one night and closes his eyes.   
"I love you," he whispers, desperately hoping her answer will be the same.


	67. Chapter 67

She is kissed gently that night and hears his unspoken question. 

"Do you love me too?", he wants to ask. 

"I love you too," she whispers back.


	68. Chapter 68

But she isn't sure.


	69. Chapter 69

What is love? She does not know; she is too broken to tell.


	70. Chapter 70

But he makes her feel safe and warm. So maybe that is love.


	71. Chapter 71

Her thoughts are alive. They breathe toxins and spit poison and feed on her body, consuming her mind.


	72. Chapter 72

She cries, and her tears are acid.


	73. Chapter 73

Sometimes he finds her when she hides herself and holds her, shielding her from something evil and dangerous--but he doesn't know what it is because he is afraid to ask.


End file.
